I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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