I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
