Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So apparently I’m into choking now
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