Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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