I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
where are you?
Hypothermia
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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