you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
