I cannot find my penis.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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