At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
