I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
