I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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