you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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