Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
