The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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