well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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