i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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