Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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