I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
