my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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