We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
3 2 1 whiskey
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
