half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
