No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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