she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
