They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
