Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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