Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
