Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
