considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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