I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
