my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
