It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
