is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
