2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
