and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
