That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
