I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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