Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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