i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize