The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
