margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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