He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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