I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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