i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
