they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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