Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
