I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize