Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
