We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
