I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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