ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
