I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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