k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
