They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
