Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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