so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
