I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
