she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
