I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
