dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
