My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
