Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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