i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
