This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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