you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
