Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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