the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize