Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize