:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
